ShiLong Lang and the Wolf Detective
by Icaurice Deauxnim
Summary: Shi-Long Lang is a hotshot Interpol agent from the country of Zheng Fa. Zhen Hu is a wolf trained as a detective. Together, THEY FIGHT CRIME. In the latest chapter of this ongoing story, Agent Lang and Detective Hu risk life and limb to kill all drugs!
1. Chapter 1

SHI-LONG LANG AND THE WOLF DETECTIVE ~~~~~~~~~~~~CHAPTER ONE~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shi-Long Lang had a new idea to improve the law enforcement in Zheng Fa, and he was bursting with excitement as he strode through the doors purposefully. He had extensively studied the writings of Lang Zi and had come to the conclusion that in order to flourish, the Criminal Affairs of Zheng Fa needed some mother-freakin' wolves. After all, in the writings of Lang Zi, Shi-Long had found the phrase "It is the responsibility of the noble wolf leader to protect his pack," so obviously, what Zheng Fa needed was a **WOLF DETECTIVE, HELL YEAH.**

Following Agent Lang through the doors was a wolf named "Zhen Hu." Zhen Hu did not know he was about to become Zheng Fa's very first wolf detective, but he was still very excited, because he had seen a squirrel on his way into the building. Zhen Hu's tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth and his tail started wagging as he thought about chasing the squirrel.

"Number ones!" yelled Lang, instantly getting the attention of everyone in the room. "I'd like you to meet Wolf Detective number one, Zhen Hu!"

Agent number one looked over at Zhen Hu. "Aw, man, Shi-Long," he said, "I thought we agreed that all that wolf stuff in Lang Zi's writing was metaphorical."

"That's right!" replied Lang, "It was all a metaphor for wolf detectives!" ((_Shi-Long Lang did not really "get" the concept of metaphors._))

Agent number one knew when not to pursue an argument with Lang. A different number one scratched Zhen Hu behind the ears while several number ones looked on in mild amusement. Zhen Hu smelled beef jerky.

"What are you waiting for, men?" asked Lang, "Shouldn't you be getting number one here a new badge and gun?"

Number one looked puzzled. "He's a wolf, sir. He can't shoot a gun and he has nowhere to carry his badge."

"Well, then you'd better get him a coat to carry his badge and a holster for his gun. We can't just not let him carry them!" replied Shi-Long, "For it is written by Lang Zi, 'The leader of the pack treats even the lowliest wolf as his own brother,' and I know I would let my brother carry a badge and gun if he were an officer of the law!"

The office erupted into cheers. Zhen Hu scratched behind his ears with his leg. He hadn't been this excited since the referee the next town over realized that there was nothing in the rulebook that said a wolf couldn't play basketball. Lost in thought, Zhen Hu barely noticed as number one slapped a stylish dark gray trenchcoat on his back, pinned a badge to the front chest pocket, and stashed a gun (safety on, of course) in one of the hidden inside pockets.

As he snapped out of his reverie, Zhen Hu was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. He reached into his inner pocket, pulled out a pair of sunglasses, and slid them over his eyes. None of the number ones were sure just how he was able to do that with his paws. ((_IMPORTANT NOTE: At the exact same time that Zhen Hu was putting on his sunglasses, the riff from "Wild Thing" was playing on a nearby radio._))

WELL, THAT'S THE STORY OF HOW ZHEN HU WAS ACCEPTED INTO THE RANKS OF THE ZHENG FA POLICE DEPARTMENT. STAY TUNED FOR MORE EXCITING ADVENTURES OF SHI-LONG LANG AND ZHEN HU!

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Next chapter: Shi-Long and Hu bust up a drug ring!


	2. Chapter 2

SHI-LONG LANG AND THE WOLF DETECTIVE

~~~~~~~~~~~~CHAPTER TWO~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aw, shit yeah, mofos! Shi-Long and Zhen Hu are back to bring the SMACK DOWN on all the people SELLING DRUGS in the LOCAL NEIGHBORHOOD. Let's do this!

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Interpol Agent Shi-Long Lang and Zheng Fa Police Department (ZFPD) Wolf Detective Zhen Hu were crouching behind some crates in an abandoned warehouse. A short distance away, three men were talking in hushed tones about shady plans to sell the most toxic and deadly of all the drugs... The Mari-Juana plant.

Lang whispered to Zhen Hu, "You see that tall man who's talking the most out of the three? His name is Shan Ling and he is the most dangerous person in this building. It is fortunate that you are a wolf and not a person." (The implication was that Zhen Hu was the most dangerous one in the building, which is probably true, since a wolf with a gun is very dangerous indeed.) Lang continued talking about Shan Ling, "He smokes the Mari-Juana, also commonly referred to as a '_pot_' or a '_weed doobie_' and it makes him crazy. He smokes so much weed, he even finds _Late Night with Jimmy Fallon_ funny! And also, he eats a lot of Cheetos. If he just did drugs by himself, it would be bad enough, but he is planning to sell it to COLLEGE STUDENTS in an effort to destroy our local school system! It is written by Lang Zi, 'Winners don't do drugs, except for winners of drug-smoking competitions.'"

Zhen Hu was repulsed by Shan Ling and his filthy drug habits, as well as his immoral plan to corrupt the college-age youth of Zheng Fa. Also, Shan Ling preferred _Late Night with Jimmy Fallon_ to the _Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson_, and only some sort of humorless monster could do that.

Meanwhile, Shan Ling and his two drug-sellin' colleagues were having a conversation of their own. Although Shan Ling was very excited about his plan to sell drugs to college students, his co-workers needed more convincing. "I dunno, Shan," said Benjamin Chang, a short, stocky Zheng Fa native with comically large eyebrows, "how do we even know college students will like smoking and/or 'huffing' the Mari-Juana plant? ((_Note: "huffing" is a technical term for inhaling. I know this because I spent a good deal of time in the seamy underbelly of drug culture as research for this story_)) I mean, they take several classes, they would know the negative effects of inhaling smoke. We ought to market the Mari-Juana to politically conservative religious housewives; they seem like the kind of people who would love it."

The third man in the group voiced his agreement with Ben Chang. His name was Phoenix Wright. ((_Note: This is a completely different Phoenix Wright than the American defense lawyer. It's just one of those freaky coincidences that happen all the time. This Phoenix Wright is overweight, Jewish, a slightly overenthusiastic fan of Major League Bowling, and already suffers from male pattern baldness despite being 29 years old._))

**ENOUGH OF THIS BORING STUFF, BACK TO SHI-LONG LANG AND ZHEN HU.**

"We should arrest these bastards before they sell drugs to college students," growled Lang. Zhen Hu growled too. He couldn't help it, he was a wolf. But if he could talk, he'd probably say something like, "Yes, I agree." So Shi-Long Lang and Zhen Hu jumped out from behind the crates and Lang yelled, "The three of you are under arrest for conspiracy to sell drugs to people. Hands in the air!"

Shan Ling put his hands in the air. Ben Chang hesitated for a bit, then also put his hands in the air. Finally, Phoenix Wright put his hands up in the air, but then he started waving them, like he just didn't care. "It is written by Lang Zi, 'No funny business, unless you are a professional funny person, such as Conan O'Brien!'" ((_Note: Jay Leno is an asshole._)) shouted Lang, but Phoenix Wright kept waving his hands erratically. Zhen Hu growled, which probably was supposed to mean something like, "Stop, or I'll be forced to shoot!" But Phoenix Wright didn't stop, so Zhen Hu was forced to shoot. Fortunately for Phoenix, he had a bag of the Mari-Juana plant in his pocket, so the bullet didn't kill him, although the Mari-Juana was rendered unusable for smoking purposes, unless you wanted to SMOKE A BULLET TOO. ((_Note: This would kill you._))

So Agent Lang and Detective Hu arrested the drug dealers, and no college student ever smoked illegal drugs ever again. There was only one way to celebrate this, and that was with a HIGH-FIVE.

**WELL, THAT'S THE STORY OF HOW ZHEN HU KILLED ALL DRUGS FOREVER. STAY TUNED FOR MORE EXCITING ADVENTURES OF SHI-LONG LANG AND ZHEN HU AND DON'T DO DRUGS AND ALSO STAY IN SCHOOL! IF YOU ONLY HAVE TIME TO DO ONE OF THOSE, READING MORE EXCITING LANG AND HU ADVENTURES SHOULD BE THE TOP PRIORITY!**

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**Next chapter:** Shi-Long and Zhen Hu solve a mystery! On a train! Or possibly on a place other than a train! I'm still on the first draft! I'm not even completely certain they'll solve a mystery!

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Note: Phoenix Wright died two weeks later while recklessly jaywalking across A RIVER OF LAVA.


End file.
